Hi there! It's me again...remember? The Army Artillery guy.
Way back when in that far away land of South Vietnam, I was enjoying a sun bath on my bunker (or was I delirious from filling sand bags in the oppressive jungle low humidity heat?) in the most beautiful of firebases known as LZ Stinson. All of a sudden, there were funny pinging/ thudding/ impact sounds interspersed with the distinctive popping of an AK-47 (bad guy gun) when pointed at you. Holy moley, INCOMING, and in the middle of a little R&R! Unbelievably, a bad guy was actually taking pot shots at us from an adjoining hill in broad daylight. This was my first exposure to Lt. Magnet Ass (Artillery Forward Observer assigned to the infantry company protecting us). He got the nickname because he attracted enemy fire everywhere he went. In almost every engagement, he had things (canteen, c-rations, etc) shot off of his body, but was never wounded. Everyone liked him but nobody wanted to be with him on a mission!
Back to the story! While the Brass were trying to figure out what to do, Lt. Magnet Ass, a gung ho West Point graduate (a cool guy nevertheless), took it upon himself to resolve the situation. He might have been eating/ drinking/ smoking the same thing as the sniper (most likely he was just a little loco) as he went after him alone and with the sole weapon of a survival knife. Honest to goodness, as unbelievable as it seems, this is a true story!!! Anyway, Lt. Magnet Ass made his way to within about 10 meters of the sniper when a COBRA gunship came on station (at the request of the Infantry commander who did NOT know what the LT. was doing) and blew the sniper away with a burst of fire (the pilot had no idea the LT. was near with larceny in his heart). Shortly thereafter, the LT. was using my radio to converse with the gunship pilot for robbing him of a hand-to-hand kill! Now THAT was a conversation!
In one of the few smart moves of the war ... Lt. Magnet Ass was reassigned to a boring firebase way off on the horizon called LZ Dottie.
In one of the few smart moves of the war (or was it a conflict, and what's the difference anyway?), Lt. Magnet Ass was reassigned to a boring firebase way off on the horizon called LZ Dottie (which had NEVER received even one bullet of hostile fire). I was talking with him by radio his first night there about a transfer-related issue. All of a sudden, all hell broke loose. The LT. had done it again - unbelievable! His first night and the safest LZ in I Corps (northern quarter of the country) was in deep doo-doo. And yes, he had more equipment (a holster) shot off (without being wounded) that evening. I gotta tell you, it was a strangely beautiful sight seeing someone else eat dirt for a change.
Ya know, Lt. Magnet Ass was in his element and really enjoyed it. He did eventually make it home with the full intention of making a career of the Army.
Here's to you LT. - I think you would have made a good Marine!
That's all for now. Creedence is calling! See y'all later.
Semper Fi!
